Fears and Thrills

Being a Silent Hill fan[atic] I was waiting eagerly for the first next-gen entry to the series… and then I found out it was being developed by an American team. What’s even worse I found out that it will borrow some elements from the not so great Silent Hill movie. Oh, the horror, the horror. From that day everything went downhill. I didn’t like that the protagonist looks like a member of Westlife, I didn’t like the monster designs – especially those taken directly from the movie, I didn’t like the fact that they decided to include pyramid head – and take the movie version and I didn’t like the fact that they were putting so much emphasis on the combat. I didn’t like what the developers were saying during the production cycle and most of all I didn’t like what Akira Yamaoka said – the only guy from the original Silent Hill team claims that the best thing that connects all the games are the silly bonus endings. Let me make a direct comment to Yamaoka-san:

You are making the best gaming music, but please, shut the hell up. You are making a fool out of yourself.

Still, despite all those things I bought a US version of the game, because I can’t wait until it will have its European release. Why? Because I love Silent Hill and I will play any crap with the name attached. Well, excluding Silent Hill Arcade – for that Konami should burn in digital hell. Yes, I have finished Play Novel. And even though I’m very scared about how the game will turn out I already know that I will play it, see all the endings and make the best of it. And I knew since the day it was announced that I will add it to my collection. But know this - if this game fails to deliver at least to some degree I will embark on a personal crusade to punish those responsible.

A side note.
Have you seen the official SH:H website? It’s the most pathetic videogame site I’ve seen in many, many years. Being a web designer myself I can tell you that I’ve made a similar thing about the Silent Hill series… nine years ago… in high-school… alone… in two days… after school… with one hand. Why did Konami agree to put up on the net a deformed monstrosity like that is beyond my understanding.
So an offer from me to Konami – I can create a decent Silent Hill Homecoming for you, if you will promise me that you will forbid Yamaoka to speak in public.

Summer's not fun.

The holidays are over and we are back.
During my time off I made a few observations about the summer in gaming context. First of all summer is a lousy time for gamers. Unless you like to reminisce or play old games that you didn’t have a chance to play before summer is the season of boredom because nothing comes out.
I can imagine it has something to do with the fact that people go on vacations and need to have money to buy pointless souvenirs so they are not willing to shell out a few bucks on new games, hence the publishers don’t want to risk lower sales.
I for one would be more than happy if I had a few new titles to play through during the only period in the year when I actually have some free time on my hands.

Second thing I’ve learned is that portable consoles are your friends when it rains and you happen to be away from home. Not only that – they are also your fiancées friends. Nothing like some collective brain storming while playing Professor Layton and the Curious Village (fabulous game by the way).
Another thing that I’ve learned is that the first DS is no good in the sun. If you ever wondered if you should sell your old DS and get the Lite one I encourage you to do it right away. I promise, you’ll be as happy as a clam.

In my infinite boredom I have decided that I will rather make another World of Warcraft character than play through Resident Evil 2 again. After playing a hunter for a while I came to a conclusion that WoW bores me to death and I would rather watch my nails grow.
I’ve been playing this game since open beta – that is about four years. I am pretty sure that the game started to bore me about two years ago. If anyone has an idea why I’ve been playing it since then let me know. I’ll be sure you’ll get a figurative coconut.
I will give WoW one more chance after Wrath of the Lich King is released, but I won’t hold my breath.

Another thing that, as a gamer, I don’t like about holidays is that when they are over there is an avalanche of new games. It’s not good, because I have neither time, nor money to play them all.

Oh well, at least I finally finished Resistance.
And tomorrow, a happy day – Viva Pinata 2 comes out ;) … Some impressions in the next few days.

Games Make You Say "Ouch"?

Nasty things can happen to you while playing games and I don’t mean destroying something with your Wiimote when you forget to put the “safety strap” on your hand. I mean injuries, sickness even death. Ok, Ok, I know the death part is overly dramatic and that only the Chinese MMO players can get to a point where they die from playing. Still, it happened a few times, so it’s worth noting.

Playing a game is generally a pleasant experience. Sure, some games cam be stressful or frustrating, but even those bring you a bit of happiness in the end. However, there are some games that can bring you pain and suffering. Those epilepsy warnings are there for a reason you know.
I bringing this up because one particularly good game that I have finished recently made me feel really lousy. Condemned 2 is freaking amazing, but I just couldn’t play it more than one hour at a time. Why? The answer is motion sickness. Motion sickness is a particularly nasty side effect of some 3D games. Condemned is in 1st person and features a lot of changing camera angles to represent Ethan’s (the game’s protagonist) view. That includes falling down the stairs, being hit with heavy objects and landing on your back after falling from high places. It all looks realistic and great, but add motion blur to that and some screen filters and you get something that your brain my find too “unpleasant” to process.
Not all people suffer from motion sickness during some games, just like not everyone gets seasick on a ship (which is also motion sickness). Also, not all games of a particular type make you sick.
I’ll make me my example. I get sick while playing Condemned 2, but didn’t playing Condemned 1, Halo 3, Call of Duty (any) or Doom 3. The worst case was with Alien Trilogy. I couldn’t play it for more than 30 minutes. I did finish it, but it was a very painful process. I even had motion sickness with the first Spyro (I know, it’s ridiculous) – I guess it was just too 3D for me back then :D

So, how do you know if you’re getting motion sickness while playing a video game? The first symptoms are heat waves. If you’re getting hot for no apparent reason you can be pretty sure in a few minutes you’ll be feeling dizzy, nauseated and in some cases you gonna get a headache. Ignore those symptoms and after a while somebody will need to hold your hair while you puke out your lungs.

I would really like to play Mirror’s Edge when it comes out, but after my “adventure” with Condemned I’m not sure my organism will tolerate my hobby.

Of course, motion sickness isn’t the only thing that can happen to you during your gaming sessions.
All dancing games are potentially dangerous not only for your health, but for you life as well. If you want to play in cluttered room full of sharp-edged furniture better go out with your dog, because you may be paving your way to ER.
Dancing games are cool, but the mats in most cases are fairly small (which makes confide your movement to a smaller space which can be awkward) and slippery. I myself fell a few times while playing Dance Dance Revolution and many of my friends sprained their ankles on Paranoia. Sure, you can buy a metal platform to lower the risks, but not many of us can afford that kind of commodity. And I can imagine that even fewer would have a place for it.

PC gamers are prone to hand and arm injuries. Let’s just say that the mouse and keyboard may be perfect to kick ass in Unreal Tournament 3, or make that tank rush in Command & Conquer, but you can be sure your wrists like it less that you do. Those kinds of injuries are quite common for pro computer scientists and designers but many gamers tackle with that problem as well. The biggest problem with using a mouse and keyboard is that you don’t see the negative effects of using them right away. It takes a few years to develop and then it’s much harder to fix. Still, having a proper position while playing and a keyboard and a mouse pad that support your wrists lower the probability of any dysfunctions.

This article is not supposed to scare you or discourage you from playing games. I’m not saying that you gonna get a heart attack after a five hour session with Samba de Amigo and I’m not saying that you’ll use your are while playing Wii Sports. All I’m saying that playing games, just like any other activity, should be approached with common sense. Play your games, play them a lot, but don’t do it at a cost of your health of well being.

A side note.
You know how all the hardware and software manuals tell you to make a fifteen minute break every hour? Common sense aside – I would like to see anyone who actually does that. If you do and are reading this, leave a comment. I would like to congratulate you and ask you some uncomfortable questions.

On E3

After prematurely coming back from my vacations I decided to check out what happened at E3. Now, in the past few years this particular even is going down a slippery slope to a pool of excrements. The press conferences are boring, people talk shit, less and less companies even appear on E3 and most of the games shown were either exploited so much before the show that anyone will lose interest in them, or are something not even worth paying attention to.
This year is no different I’m afraid. Actually, it’s worse then ever.

First of there are no big announcements, unless you think Square-Enix announcing Final Fantasy XIII for the 360 is something big. Still, I think anyone who can count saw that coming. Resident Evil 5 proved to me that even though I think it’s gonna be a great game it’s just RE 4.5, and when I didn’t mind Resident Evil 0 - 3 (including Code Veronica) being pretty much the same gameplay-wise (because they were survival horrors) an action game like RE5 should feature more changes.
What else? God of War III? That is a no-brainer; I think everyone was expecting it to be announced.
Fallout III seems to be ok, but they didn’t really show anything new.
Gears of War 2, Killzone 2. Resistance 2? We’ve all seen them before and E3 didn’t bring any substantial info regarding the bigger titles (and I’m not talking only about those three above).

How about the three big press conferences?
Microsoft did what they do every year. They said they are the best, have the most third party games (developers, developers, developers, developers…) and sell the most software. Not a hard thing considering they had a head start. Sure, they announced the new Dashboard which I think is pretty awesome. I even like the silly avatars, but I’m pretty sure that the typical 360 owner would like something that doesn’t look like a character taken out from a cereal commercial. And say what you will, but it’s a so obvious rip-off from the Miis that my liver hurts. The fact that they are more complex models and were designed by Rare doesn’t change much.
All the interactive games/shows/events shown are quite a neat idea, but since it’s M$ they will be only available in the countries that have their Live services, which means most of the world won’t be able to take part in them, and hence doesn’t give a shit. Good job with creating the global gamer community Microsoft. I guess some places are just not good enough to be the part of America Planet.

Now, a look at Sony. In their usual style Sony announced much, promised much, and then showed Buzz for the PSP. Yeah…
Ok, inFamous looks interesting, Resistance 2 seems ok, the Rachet and Clank PSN game is something worth looking into and the Little Big Planet presentation was awesome, but there was nothing that I would comment with “Wow”. I do admit that MAG (Massive Action Game) seems impressive from what they said (256 players in one game!), but as usual they just showed a CD teaser and gave little info. To be honest, I didn’t expect anything else from Sony, but I really hoped that they will show something meaningful. True, they announced the VOD service, but it’s only for the US at the moment, so I don’t care.

What about Nintendo?
For Nintendo I will be very brief. I think, Nintendo press conference was the most embarrassing thing on E3 I’ve seen in years. They made complete fools out of themselves and proved once more that they have absolutely no idea what to do with Wii, but to release a peripheral after a peripheral to satisfy the housewives and pensioners. They didn’t announce anything that would be even remotely interesting.
After watching all the people on the stage act like complete morons I’m pretty sure I suffered brain damage.

For me the 3 most interesting things of the show were the announcement of GTA: Chinatown Wars for the DS, Portal: Still Alive that will be released on XBLA and Fat Princess – the multiplayer PSN game.
Pretty sad considering it’s one of the biggest electronic entertainment events of the year.

Missing Saturn

It's not really a rant, just a thought: wouldn't it be great if Sega released their Saturn games, through the PSN? Probably not gonna happen, but one can dream...

I remember playing demos on Saturn many many years ago and I wanted that console really bad (never bought it...). No matter what you say about Sega self-destruct marketing strategies and PS1 being better in every way, you have to admit, that black thing had style. Not to mention some good games. Panzer Dragoon, Virtua Fighter 2, maybe Golden Axe - the duel... Heck, I would even play Sega Rally just for the sake of memories... Too bad we don't see the titles along with PS1 ones on the PS Network. The black monster would rise again, on the shoulders of another black (and dust-catching) monster. And score Sony and Sega some extra cash while at it.

Shit Trophies

This was to be expected. Looks like PS3 is going to win the raging console war after all. How are they going to do that? By ripping off Xbox360, for better and worse. And while I'm really glad you will get to change the music during the gameplay (in Burnout series, this is essential), I'm not very glad about some other "improvements". Ladies and gentlemen, achievements trophies are coming to PS3!!

The next PS3 software update will unlock a special achievements trophies system, where every game will have it's own set of achievements trophies you need to accomplish in order not to look like a total loser among your fellow PS3 players. The achievements trophies will come in four different kinds: bronze (probably the one unlocked by beating some main parts of the game, put there just to tease you), silver, gold and platinum. Those platinum ones are awarded when you collect all the other achievements trophies and mean that "boy, you must reeeeeally love this game, or cannot afford any other game, which is equally good".

Collecting achievements trophies raises your gamerscore level. Every PS3 user account will now feature the gamerscore level. In order to raise your gamerscore level (and probably reach Nirvana at the end, or God, or Pluto...) you need to collect more and more achievements trophies. Simple, huh?

Of course, Sony Playstation 3 TM is meant to get players together, so your "friends" will have access to your achievements trophies record - which ones you've got, when (yes, they will have time and date on them) and what gamerscore level they give you. It's really simple. There is your name on the screen and a nice little bar filled to some level. Below it, there's your friend's name and another neat little bar filled a little more than yours. Now that's a sight huh? Not intimidating at all. Oh, but allow me to assure you, you'll never ever feel that stinging urge to play some more and raise your bar, so doesn't look like you're a total lame-ass, Sunday gamer.

Okay, you may remember I'm a Micro-phobic, so it goes without saying I like PS3 better than X360. But, hell... If that's how they want to win the console struggle - by taking Micro$oft's bad ideas and adding them to their own collection of bad ideas, then, boy may that change (or not)...

The guy previewing the achievements trophy system in the upcoming PS3 software update kindly asked the viewers for some feedback. Well, here's mine:

YOU FUCKING SUCK!!

Rotten to the Qore

I’ve bought the first Qore on Friday and I have to say... it’s rotten. Yes, I know I was excited about the whole thing just a few days ago when I wrote the news about it, but after trying it out I can say it’s pretty much a six-dollar worth of failure.
First off, it weights over 1,5 GB, which in my case is a lot since I have a 1mbit internet connection, which means if I haven’t eaten during the download I would die from malnutrition. But I thought it will all be in glorious HD so I can wait. Well, it may be HD, but it’s so compressed it looks like a movie about diarrhea in high resolution.

When you “turn it on” you are greeted with a long Hulk 2 trailer. The movie is a waste of money; the trailer is a waste of space. Thank God it’s skippable.
After that you’ll get an introduction by Veronica Belmont. I’m probably supposed to know who she is, but I don’t. Sure, the girl is cute, but she acts as if she’s being subjected to electric current – she is way too euphoric. It’s fake, unnecessary and I don’t like it. Let’s move on.
In the main menu you can choose from a few different sections – a SOCOM one, Soul Calibur 4/Afro Samurai one, Force Unleashed one and the last one is where the downloadable goodies are, or rather suppose to be.

Let me start from the last one. There are supposed to be a SOCOM beta invitation, a SOCOM theme for the XMB and a link to download Calling All Cars. The PSN game is available for people who got the annual subscription of Qore, so I won’t comment as I didn’t get one (thank God). And the SOCOM stuff? Well, I’m sorry, but it will be available, when it’s available… which could mean tomorrow or in 500 years. What could be the reason to put something in this “digital magazine” that doesn’t exist and make it the biggest selling point? No idea, but I bet there are a lot of pissed off people out there now.

The Force Unleashed and the SC4/AS section include interviews and some in-game footage. It’s so meaningless I wanted to poke my eyes out with a fork. You basically have guys who claim that “their games will be so cool, because they are cool, and cool people make them and stuff”. For an exclusive content, you really can’t do shit Sony.
I liked the guy from Namco talking about Darth Vader in SC4. What he said is that he’s really excited about that character, because he’s so cool and he has cool moves, and the game he’s in is cool, and it’s cool that it’s cool, because it’s so cool. Seriously?

The guy from Lucas Arts was not much better. He did mention though, that the planets his game will take place on make a lot of sense and they are cool. Well, if he said so it must be true.

The SOCOM section features some pictures and not only the mindless babbling, but there’s even more of Belmond, so I’m not so sure about it.

And then there are the ads. I thought I wouldn’t mind them so much, but they are annoying as hell.

So to sum things up - you get a lot of pointless crap for $3 with commercials in between. I know 3 bucks is not a lot, but in case of Qore it’s still too much.
It’s like paying for sex with an ugly hooker just to find out she’s actually a man.

Give Some

I was browsing though the Playstation Store, the PSOne games section and when I was considering buying the first Crash Bandicoot something struck me.

Did you notice that there were no good platformers released, save the brilliant Super Mario Galaxy, during this generation of consoles (damn, I wish I had a Wii for SMG, but then again, a console for one game would not be financially wise)? I write consoles, because the PC didn’t get a good platformer since friggin’ Psychonauts (that’s three years for God’s sake).
Ok, there was a decent Sonic game for the Wii, but still. I mean, what gives?

I realize that platform games aren’t as popular as in the days of Rayman and Lomax, but this is one of the basic game genres that always had, and will have fans. Or at least that is my general assumption. To clear things up - by platformer I mean platformer, not running around with a robot on our back that’s talking with a thick British accent or changing into a blue pudding to get over bigger holes. Hell, even the new Crash Bandicoot game (Crash of the Titans) is more of a brawler than a platformer.
The closest thing to a platformer you can get now is goddamn Assassin’s Creed. Or Sonic the Hedgehog (for PS3 and 360), but I would rather shove splinters of wood under my nails or eat a glass than play that piece of crap.

I am a man who enjoys a heavy dose of jumping and colleting all kinds of crap. That’s why I like N+ par example – it’s a platformer in pure form – simple, yet highly addictive (and highly frustrating at some points). I want a “big” game however, like new Banjo… oh, wait, that’s gonna be a game with vehicles. So maybe a new Rayman? Nope, since they made Raving Rabbids Rayman is a set of mini games.
I guess the only thing I can do now is to wait for Little Big Planet, which is a game in my top 10 most anticipated games. I have really hi hopes for this one. Great design, extensive level editor, simple controls and no fucking shooting! And it has multiplayer! Damn, if you haven’t already, check LBP videos, it’s worth the time. Mindblowing. Can’t wait. And I will be able to play co-op with my fiancée. Give! Now!

Lock me up!

Do add my discontent I will say that the whole brutality-in-games issue is “puffed” for the sake of moaning about it.
The violence is not the real issue. Children were always exposed to violence. Take the tales of Grimms or Andersen – murder, humiliation, pain and sickness. Were those stories censored? The problem is the fucking parents who let their children grow up alone without any guidance on what’s good and what’s evil. Most problems with mentally unstable teenagers derive from the same thing. Parents are simply not interested in their kids. Unlike animals, human children are mentally fragile at young age and will not develop properly on their own.
But violent behavior is nothing unnatural. I’m not saying it’s nothing to worry about, but for Christ’s sake, even sports induce violent actions. Parents should teach their kids how to deal with it.
The reason for games to get such bashing is that they are becoming wildly popular and that seems to be a good enough reason to have something against them.
Censorship seems to be directly connected.
What is the reason to make blood green or black? It’s still blood. Kids have enough imagination to figure it out. Censorship like that just makes gamers pissed off because they get a modified product against their will. And most censorship is applied for some abstract reasons.
Let me tell you a story from Poland. It’s not about games but gives a good image how it all works. We have a governmental body called The National Council of Radio and Television. It’s basically five people who take a shitload of money for doing more harm than good. There was a commercial by one of our mobile telephony provider – a little red riding hood was walking through the forest; an amusing song about her playing in the background. When she went behind a tree there was this metallic “snap” sound and the RRH was shown screaming with a leg stuck in a bear trap. The slogan was something about them not being able to tell stories.
What did the council do? Ban the commercial because, as they claimed, children were confused and didn’t know what happened to the little girl and why she was screaming, and that could damage their psyche. Yeah, right, like they didn’t see that a thousand times before in every single cartoon. Most of them seen a lot worse – in cartoons, news and movies.
I am all for rating games. If a game is brutal tag it with an “M” or “18+” rating, but leave the fucking content alone. Let the parents control their children and let adults play the game as it was intended.
In recent years I see this absurd situation escalating - the banning of Manhunt 2, changing No More Heroes and banning Kane and Lynch ads. It all balances on the edge of being ridiculous and serves no real purpose other than fattening the censors’ and moral screamers’ egos.

F*c#ing C#ns%&sh!p

Today, for the first time on this blog, I don't intend to fuck around and will tell you what's what without any moral (or verbal) constraining.

Behold this.

The background:
The name of the game is No More Heroes. The creator's name is Suda 51. The developer company's name is Grasshopper. Suda 51 previously released Killer 7, the game which has been placed on my extremely short personal list of the best games of all times (along titles like Silent Hill 2, Resident Evil 2, Portal, Half-Life and Another World). I wanted to buy Wii for this very game. The European version (and the Japanese one, as far as I know) got censored.

"Toned down" as they neatly put it. To quote James Rolfe:
"WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?"

When I look at Germany, the nexus of all the gaming censorship in Europe, I honestly feel sorry for its game-playing population. The green blood. The soldiers in Half-Life replaced with weird-looking green robots. All these banned games. Why? Are they scared of their young ones growing up to start another World War or something? When I look at Japan, the confusion becomes even greater - I've never been there, so I don't know all that much about their mentality; but why on Earth do they censor THEIR OWN GODDAMN GAMES, only to release them in other countries in their original version? Finally, why oh why does Nintendo want to be a toy company? The Gamecube was a little bit childish, yes, but it had Resident Evil exclusives, it had Eternal Darkness, there were lots of games not really intended for small kids. With Wii, everything’s for kids. Even the Umbrella Chronicles is as simplified as possible, degraded to a mere rail-shooter, which is less than the Gun Survivor series...

This post in entirely devoted to censorship and here are the four things I’ve got to say about it. In a word: IT’S FUCKING BAD!

The first point:
First of all, let's establish one thing. Is the scene you saw a realistic depiction of violence? Nuh-uh. So why on earth would that be harmful? Is this something which would encourage us to do violence? Just go ahead and ask yourself what kind of a sick, deranged retard you would have to be to believe that if you hurt somebody his blood would burst all over the place like that? (and while we're at it, can you imagine anyone stand before you and fucking talk to you after you've just chopped his hands off? realism, anyone?)

The second point:
Speaking of the retards, the violence (realistic or otherwise) in video games has little to do with the real world. This is my opinion, I've listened to some psychologists who deal with games, read some of their articles and believe me, I'm not the only person who thinks so. Now I don't want to delve deep into the video-games violence issue, although these two problems are closely related, what I will say, however, is this: if someone thinks that by censoring or banning things he will protect his children from harm, he is plainly wrong. And dumb. And ignorant. The world is a bullshit place, and one can belie them for only so long, before they grow up and see for themselves.

The third point:
If the aim of your game is killing people, you should show it. It's as simple as that. More than that – you should make it entertaining, unless you just don't care about the money people would give you for it. Remove the gore and the fun will drop. Remove the gore for just some regions of the world, and the fun will disappear altogether, replaced with bitter jealousy of all the U.S. gamers who get to play, let's say, No More Heroes, in all its red glory.

The final point:
Games like No More Heroes are works of art. The blood is just another artistic element added for a greater effect. It's like the blood in Kill Bill, the cursing in Pulp Fiction or Eminem's lyrics or the body deformations in Tom and Jerry cartoons. You can like it or not, but for heaven's sake, don't change it. Just how would "The Scream" by Edward Munch look like if I removed the black color and replaced it with pink simply because I found it too gloomy?

I don't intend ordering NTSC Wii from U.S.A. just for this game. If Ninten-dada wants its wii-wii console just for infants, let them. If they don't want to believe there are gamers who are actually more than 20 years old, let them. If they care more about their children-friendly image than the actual fucking MONEY, let them.
It’s their choice.
I just wish the fuckers drowned in diapers.

WTF?

For anyone disapointed with Microsoft's or Sony's customer support...

I am a long time World of Warcraft player. I stared during the open beta and has been playing ever since (with two short breaks).Now, about three weeks ago my account was stolen by some dimwited mothefucker. I wasn't a big tragedy for me to be honest, because I wanted a short WoW break anyway and the game masters assured me that my account will be back to it's pre-hack state. What seemed like a compulsory vacation turned to be a fully-fledged assault on my account by keyboard and mouse wielding morons from Blizzard.
First I would like to say that I was positively surprised by the GMs on my server because they didn't tell me that they didn't give a shit about me and I can shove my account up my ass so deep that my intestines will reach level 70*, and they hope that my entire family up to the 9th generation will be cursed with freakishly small feet.
Instead they asked me for almost two weeks the same questions about how, when and who hacked my accound, what characters were affected and what gear I was missing. After five days I simply decided to write it down in the notepad and copy/paste the whole damn thing when I get asked again. And so I did.

About a week ago when I wanted to log into WoW to immerse myself in an intellectual converstion with my giold master about planting carrots and making tinfoil hats. I was stopped by an information about my account being susspended.
And here's where the fun begins. I got no information whatsoeven what is happening to my account neither before nor after its banning. I did sent a query about it via Blizz's webform, but it was a no-brainer that I won't receive a reply soon or .... well, ever, probably because. I decided to browser the offcial tech support forums and found out that it takes at least three weeks for do anything about a stolen account.

My question is... why? Why three weeks? What can possible take so long?
I have heard that there were a lot of account compromised recently and the wait time increased, but for God's sake, three weeks? I imagine it takes time and hordes of armed marauders to overcome a crisis of such monstrous proportions.

So this basicly means that my account will be usless for about five weeks barring a mirracle.
I'm just wondering why can't a company that makes tens of milions of dolars every month hire a few more people...or at least monkeys? A monkey would probably be a lot more helpfull than an average Blizzard employee.

Today's show is sponosred by "database rollback".

Suckers

What is the best way to make money in the video game industry? I bet your first guess would be to make a really good game that will sell millions of copies. Well, you could do that, but that’s for suckers.
There are two other ways. The first one would be to make a game that will sell at least fairly well and then convert it to every goddamn platform including cell phones screwing the fans and consumers along the way. I call it the “EA way”, or the “Resident Evil Syndrome”. The other way is to release a game, and after a few months release it again with a few extras and say it’s the proper, complete experience and if you waited for two years for it and pre-ordered the original release fourteen months before it came out and you are a gullible moron. I call that “the Konami Effect”. I’m sure you know what I mean. Let me tell you why I’m bringing it up. Capcom decided to release Lost Planet: Colonies. If you think this is a new iteration or an expansion pack for this game you’re in for an unpleasant surprise that could only sprout in a cunning Asian mind. You’ll get the same game as the original Lost Planet just with some new playable characters (the point is?) and new multiplayer modes and I’ll bet that it will come as a new game at full price. I, for one, cannot find a justification to pay twice for the same game (a very generic shooter if I might add). Sure, it’s nice for those that don’t have the game yet, but I would still choose the original version that will cost one third of the new one. It’s like having dysentery for a week, then having an eight month break, but after those eight months you feel something is wrong again so you go to a doctor. The doctor examines you and asks if you want the same dysentery again, but for three days only or do you want it for week again and a sore throat. I’m sure there are some masochists who would choose the latter, but I’m sure there are not that many of them.
In an age of downloadable content I see that as a friggn steal. It should have been released six months ago as a bonus pack for five or ten bucks.
It’s becoming a common theme especially amongst Japanese companies to make money on the same thing over and over again.
This is the reason I won’t but Metal Gear Solid 4 right after the release, even though I’m a big fan of the series. Just like with every other MGS there probably will be a “full experience” version released a few months after the original. Metal Gear Solid 4: Substitution?
You can think of this ran as a prelude to my next editorial where I will explain why I have no real respect for the likes of Kojima and Kutaragi, but I do for Mikami and Miyamoto.

One bad turn deserves another

Same topic, different approach.
Unlike Exramp I will not even try to be polite, because people making Silent Hill 5 don’t deserve it.
First thing that seems wrong right away when I think about the whole concept behind Silent Hill 5 is the main character, who so conveniently is a war veteran, a soldier. As we all know soldiers are good with guns – big guns and military equipment. Now, if you see a seventeen-year-old with a machine gun (hello silent hill 3) it may be strange, but a guy who was trained to use this kind of tools will not look suspicious with an M-16.
They already said they want to streamline combat and make it more interesting. Combat, combat, combat. Make puzzles! Get my point?

Second thing is the fact that they claimed they want to go back to the roots – make the game more focused on the plot than the action. What can we read in the article? That the guy likes Silent Hill 3 most, and for the story from all things?! You need to be a hamburger-eating twat who barely can comprehend the news to say the blunt and even at times cliché story of Silent Hill 3 is the best in the series.

That guy's approach pisses me off even more when he boldly states that they’ll make the scariest iteration of Silent Hill series. I’m sure he’s thinks the “Saw” movies are scary and we gonna get some of that gruesome, mindless violence type of “horror”. You need to be a complete moron to appreciate this kind of… stuff (couldn’t find a better word to describe it).

Note to Konami:
YOU DON’T LET AMERICANS MAKE JAPANESE GAMES!

Note to Yamaoka:
Quality control! Bah, screw it. Stick to the music!

Note to Mr. P.J.D:
Ruin this game and I will buy ten copies of it and shove them up your ass so hard that you will bleed out Sato, and you will have an opportunity to apologize to the man.

Tears of...

I've read a certain interview with a certain person who happens to be working on part 5 of a certain game series I love. It petrified me.

You can read it here and here. I'll try to be as gentle and polite as I can discussing the person's statements one by one but inside I'm terrified as well as aggravated. Everything that particular person was kind enough to say may not necessarily make Silent Hill 5 just a next worthless horror-shooter, but... AH FUCK WHO AM I TRYING TO FOOL?!?

sigh...

The person's favorite part is Silent Hill 3. It's not a crime, anyone is entitled to like whatever they want to like. This means however, that the person does not care much about the game events changing the protagonist emotionally by exposing him to some personal hell (and thus changing the gamer's point of view - if you don't know what I'm talking about play Silent Hill 2) - he cares for a "good" story. We come, we see a problem, we solve it, we win the game. We don't commit suicide.

The game designers are supposed to provide an even heavier atmosphere than in the previous ones by creating weird locations and monsters. Which is just what those previous ones did. That is the basis necessary for a Silent Hill game. Will those weird locations and monsters suffice to make it the most disturbing part of all?

The protagonist is a soldier who is supposed to be making perfectly rational decisions seeing the world suddenly decaying around him and being attacked by malformed creatures - well, not very likely a behavior, but not entirely impossible either. Let's just hope these will more than obligatory "what am I supposed to do now? I know, I'll shoot some monsters" approach. Moreover, the protagonist is supposed to have some knowledge about what is really going on in Silent Hill. I'm dying to see (not really) how the designers will explain that.

The story is supposed to reveal how the Silent Hill events influenced more people that the players think - maybe we will meet the whole society living within the nightmare world, which would be an obvious movie rip-off. Maybe not.

The best for the last:
The person claims that some of the reasons for which he was hired by Konami are him being a huge Silent Hill fan, being very knowledgeable about the series and wishing the series a continued success. I sincerely hope there were other reasons. MUCH more of them. I'm a huge Silent Hill fan too. FallingStickman is a huge Silent Hill fan too. There is a chance of you being a huge Silent Hill fan too. If we are huge Silent Hill fans that we probably are very knowledgeable about the series and wish it a continued success as well.
He also claims to have bought and played the game the very week it came out. I hope he didn't mean it as some sort of achievement.

Apparenty Silent Hill 5 will not concentrate on some personal hell like some of it's predecessors - instead begin based on solving things and answering questions, which in my opinion is a promise of flat 2D characters no one could care less about. It will probably involve a lot of shooting, not a lot of puzzle solving (I can't imagine the protagonist, supposedly being a man of action, figuring out how to insert 3 coins into 5 slots the right way) - so that's one gaming hope going to hell in a hand-basket. It will probably tell a story about the infamous Order - a gathering of deranged people trying to summon some kind of demon. I know that's a crucial element of the Silent Hill universe but that brings SH5 to a typical action-game scheme one good guy versus some bad guys. The lack of such painfully chiched rules was the most important reason why Silent Hill games were so special in the first place.

I have a wish.
I wish that I'm wrong.
I wish that everything I've written above will turn out bullshit.

Hal(l)o? Where's my money?

I’ve just read a funny thing. True story too.
Do you know how much money did Halo 3 make? 170 million American dollars. You could buy 1 700 000 tons of carrot in Poland for this (that is a net price though, so it would be a bit less when adding the tax). That’s a lot. A LOT. Do you know how much did it cost? 30 million American dollars. It’s like 2 F-16s (Think about it Bungie! If you would cut the cost of Halo 3 by half you could have gotten yourself a fighter jet.). That’s a lot as well. Especially for a game budget. You know what’s makes it funny? The fact that the most expensive element of the game was the graphics. There is another funny story connected to this. Some experts (or rather “experts”) stated that Halo 3 introduced a new era in HD gaming.

Let me just give you an example why this is so hilarious for me.
One evening I was showing two of my friends some 360 games. Here I need to explain that both of them are gamers, but neither has entered the HD era yet, so to speak.
My console swallowed Gears of War first. My friends were like:
-“ Damn, this looks awesome! Look at the textures…”
-“Yeah, this is incredible. Looks almost like a CG movie.”
After playing Gears we decided that it’s time to proceed to a next game, so I put Halo 3 on.
The response was not what I would expect…
- “What a piece of crap!”
- “What the fuck is this, an Xbox 1 game?!”
Because I’m fond of the Halo series I wanted to convince them it’s not that bad…:
-“Come one, it’s not that bad. Look at the lighting effects, they are pretty cool, and the overall artistic design is nice, right?”
-“Sure, if you’re into Action Man.”

Come to think of it, they do have a point. Let’s be frank – Halo 3 looks worse that Gears of War that was released almost a year earlier.
That said I have 2 suggestions.
Suggestion for Bungie:
Guys, maybe you better brush up on your coding skills making Flash games. It’s a bit of a shame to make a game for 3 years and end up with a cold meatloaf.
Suggestion for the “experts”:
Drugs are bad for you.

(I like Halo, but that doesn’t stop me from bashing it from every direction.)